designer John Galliano, he said, "does not mean" the anti-Semitic tirade, which ruined his career
In his first interview since the explosion in a Paris restaurant, he told Vanity Fair that he does not hate the Jews and the comments reflect his own self-hatred, and addiction to drink and drink.
"This is the worst thing I've said in my life, but I did not know that ... I tried to figure out why the anger was directed against this race," he told the magazine. "I know now that I was so angry and so ------- dissatisfied with myself I have the meanest thing I could say."
He said he was so drunk he had no memory of the night, which was filmed in 2011, a group of French and Italians, the Jews, he thought he loved Adolf Hitler and that their ancestors were "gassed" .
He said: "My assistant told me about the video when I saw it, I have the feeling that I was about to step into the street and threw a bus or truck rushed past me and blood was made. . drained my legs. I was paralyzed with fear. "
The interview was the first he had ever done sober, he said. His prior alcohol and drug use, he said: "I wanted to end up in a lunatic asylum or Six Feet Under."
Galliano told the magazine that he has taken steps to atone for his behavior, including meeting with Jewish leaders, and books about the Holocaust. "It seems a little strange, but I am so thankful for what has happened. I learned so much about myself," he said.
The interview, in which he also talks about his difficult childhood, is regarded as an important first step in the campaign to rehabilitate the designer. Powerful friends in the fashion world remained loyal to him after he was fired as head designer at Christian Dior and tried to prepare the return backstage.
But it will take some time. A workshop had been asked to teach was at the New York Fashion Parsons School abandoned after outrage from students and Jewish customers, "protested private" when Oscar de la Renta involved him in his fall 2013 collection.
Was published in excerpts in Vanity Fair, Galliano said he would go drinking bender for several days, ending with wounds, because he had not washed. He said he lived in a bubble, because he did not know how to use them to withdraw money from an ATM.
He said that was asked a few weeks after the resumption, Kate Moss to design her wedding dress. It is "me personally, because it was my creative rehab saved," he said. "They asked me to be myself again."